I suffer from pretty bad anxiety, and in 2024, I think I’ve hit some personal records when it comes to sudden spikes of irrational, panic-inducing, thought-clouding, anxiety that has done wonders on my mental health, work performance, familial and platonic relationships, and more. Naturally, I thought it’d be a great idea to spend my free time with a game that demands some serious fortitude and a perpetual cycle of tough challenges that can easily make you feel like you suck: Elden Ring.
Regardless of how hard you think Elden Ring is or isn’t, it’s clear that the game demands attentive reaction time and thoughtful investment of time in speccing your character appropriately. Fail to respond to immediate threats and invest Runes poorly, and you’re not really gonna get very far. And as someone whose anxiety centers around not being timely with my responsibilities and failing to prepare for the future, who agonizes over decisions I made 10 years ago, the prospect of playing Elden Ring for any serious amount of time scared me.
But the spark was lit after I finished Flintlock. Though it doesn’t put up the toughest of challenges, it did remind me of the fun of the Soulslike’s core loop. It also made me feel better prepared for something like Elden Ring. And to be honest, given my anxiety, I started to think a hobby that I took my time with, slowly chipping away at on a path to unlikely victory, might be healthy for me.
Read More: Flintlock: The Siege of Dawn: The Kotaku Review
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I also chose Elden Ring because it allows me to do something I’m very fond of: Wander. Many have rightly said that Elden Ring’s open world structure makes the traditionally difficult format of the Soulslike easier as you take it at your pace and venture off to level up on lower-level monsters, and that’s true, but in the dozen or so hours I’ve put into the game recently, I’ve spent a lot of time intentionally wandering around, avoiding conflict.
There’s a serenity to Elden Ring’s environment, with its bleak landscape punctuated by the imposing yet beautiful Erdtree, set to gentle, mournful strings that make up its ambient soundscape. Simply existing in this space, among the birds and other wildlife that too wander about, is appealing to me as the kind of “game” I sometimes like playing (I do love a walking-sim).
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The wildlife also holds a position in the game’s ecosystem I envy: They, unlike me, aren’t destined to undertake the violent trial that is this game. I envy the rolling sheep, contemplative-looking eagles, frolicking springhares, and gentle deer. Theirs is an existence in this dark fantasy realm without inherent violence, and I won’t bring them into it regardless of what they’ll drop. So too do I give wolves and bears their space. So too do I relent when an enemy cowers in fear. Despite how violent Elden Ring gets, I see the challenge and the strife as an invitation to double down on my commitment to not imitate that where I needn’t.
In this way, Elden Ring has oddly become a refuge from the complications of my personal life. I find myself going here to “chill” as it were. But I’m still here to finish this game, and that means engaging in the trials of its combat.
Elden Ring’s challenges, many of which may be initially tough, do have the effect of showing you something isn’t impossible, that you can come out of a struggle and succeed. As Kotaku’s Alyssa Mercante said in her review of the game’s expansion, it can bestow hope: “This is going to be hard, but I can do this.”
Read More: Elden Ring: Shadow Of The Erdtree Review: Massive, Menacing, And Magnificent
I resonate with that sentiment too. And in the face of Elden Ring’s challenges, I find myself also letting go. The challenge isn’t my fault. It’s just what is. I can’t beat myself up over it. I can’t blame myself. I’ll learn what I can from this challenge. I’ll continue to arrive and I’ll endeavor to be better next time. The worst of what faces me still sees me coming back, now knowing what I didn’t before. When I need space and time to recollect myself, learn from the challenge, I can go and wander among the wildlife again and stare out at the horizon.
Elden Ring has so far given me the time away from the stresses of my regular life and the torturous boss of doubt and anxiety that lurks in my own mind. It’s also teaching me the value of patience, of persistence, of acceptance of the way things simply are. I don’t expect to finish it any time soon, either. I’m taking my time with this game, because life so often won’t let me do that elsewhere. The Lands Between are proving to be a more forgiving and accepting place than I previously thought. And maybe other frightening places are, too.
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